I am a single mum to 3.. The oldest are 10 and 8 and the youngest going on 2...Their Dad travels a lot, is gone all of November and December, but when he is around has them every second weekend. He has just mentioned he would like to have them 9 days over easter so he can take them to Belgium to introduce them to his girlfriends family... I am ok with the oldest 2 being away for 9 days, but I think this is a bit much for the youngest... given his track record of not being around so much at the moment and that he just has them every second weekend. I worry that the separation from me would be too hard for the youngest... At any rate, he thinks I overreact and I am overprotective... I would like to hear your opinions on this... I can't seem to find any official recommendations about what length of time is healthy for toddlers to separated from their Mum. (I have been a single Mum since she was 6 months)
Thanks :-)

I don't know about any official recommendations but I would have thought that 9 days is a bit much at that age especially if she is only used to overnight stays. Is there any chance he could make it 4 or 5 days for the first time and see how she goes with that and then do a longer time in the summer holidays?

I think it's too long,I wouldn't let my 2year old stay with my dh without me for that long and he's always around.

Is there an option of you going and staying somewhere with your 2yr old and he can have her maybe one or two nights throughout hte stay?

Hope you find an arrangement that suits you.
Mandy

Looking at it from a different angle 'I' wouldn't have been able to cope without my dd for nine days when she was two. She is now nine and the longest she has been away from me is five days (a few times) and I hated that. Also I think because they will be in a different country it also makes a difference.

Completely different scenario but when dd was 5 my family (mum, dad, brother, sil, sister, and niece) booked a holiday to Lanzarote but at the time of booking me and dh thought we couldn't go but my mum wanted to take dd. The nearer it got to the date the more unhappy I felt so ended up making sure I could go and booked separately.

The holiday was a nightmare but that's a whole other story.

The older kids will be fine, but 9 days is a lot for a 2yo.
I would say no.

My kids are 11, 8 and nearly 2, so similar ages to yours. I also would be happy for the older two to be away for 9 days but not my youngest.

When my eldest (and at the time, only) was 20 months dh and I went to Italy for a wedding and left ds with my aunt and uncle. We were away for 5 days and he had a wonderful time, as I knew he would. I had complete faith in my aunt, otherwise I wouldn't have left him. (My mum was 12 years older than my aunt, and my aunt lived with us when she was a teenager at university, so we had a very close relationship). However, 5 days was more than enough. I actually don't think I would leave my youngest for that length of time though, as she is a different child with different needs. Also, we haven't left her overnight with anyone because she doesn't sleep well.

I think you need to be realistic about what both you and your baby can handle in terms of separation, and ignore comments like 'overprotective'. It's your job to be protective, you know your kids best (especially the baby if you've been a single parent for most of her life) and you have to make practical and realistic choices.

Why don't you suggest he starts with a long weekend and take it from there. If necessary, get her dad to pay for you to fly out and come and get her, and let the older two stay a bit longer.

I think is up to you to decide if it would be comfortable for your toddler to be away from you for so long. I personally wouldn't let a small child away from me for so long becasue I would know that she will need me at some point. Separations from a mum at this yearly age can leave a mark on child's fragile mind, even if she doens't remember that when she grows up. I read it somewhere long time ago, I don't even remember where. I dont' know for any official recommendations but you can consult with a child psychologist or your health visitor, or look on the web for some early age child psychological development website to give you a better view on what goes on in her little head right not. And then you can make your own best informed decision. I personally would let the older two go and the little one can maybe meet the girlfriend's parents another time, she is too young to be separated from her mum for so long.